moving in with mom after dad died

He referred to her as my stepmother the other day, and her kids as my step siblings. It will be 6 months on April 24 since my dear mom left us. That was the only time they called the girls last year. I guess I wrote this hoping to give a Dads perspective and ask that those struggling try to accept the new person in your life and get to know them enough to judge them as they are. It is true that we should think about how our loved ones wanted us to be, because we can pay tribute to them and we can have them in our lives forever. I dont want him to separate from them. The key here is I believe, she has abused him into such a state that he can no longer think for himself for fear of being alone. I had also cried too many nights when I see him suffering for the hurtful things that they had done or said to him the few times that they talk or argue. All I see is that greed has been number one on his list. I tried everything I could think of to resolve our conflict. My parents were married for 39 years so I only knew them together. How common. I felt at one point I could not cope. I dont want to be old and alone. My dads brother and I moved in with him and for 2 years we took care of feeding, bathing, clothing him until he could slowly do these things for himself. We chatted for a bit, and I explained a moment I had that was very similar to how he felt. She doesnt want others fussing over her. Youve done nothing wrong - your mom is responsible for her own finances and you have every right to have your own space with your family. We have tried talking to her about it and voiced our concerns. He and my Mom did everything together and she spoiled him. I told him he should try to develop and strengthen his relationship with her and, in turn, her relationship with my dads wife will improve. BUT she feels entitled to the rest of him and what he does and who he dates. That seems ridiculously expensive. Its almost like hes loving that he gets a new woman. Within a few weeks after losing my Mom, my father started talking with women online for friendship and companionship. You get to decide who to reach for to meet your ever-changing needs. Mum shocked to be called. old and can do what he wants without anyone approval, yet Im the one who he called when something needed done or needed help with my mom. You do not wake up one day and say Oops Ive fallen in love. I get emotional every time and do not how to deal with it. I am 23 years old, I am her youngest, and I am in the toughest time trying to get through this. By Christmas time, he started calling around to my aunts, uncles and cousins (from my mothers family) to announce that he would be getting married in January. I have told him I understand he wants this relationship and I accept that and actually understand it.but at the same time, I am not ready (nor can I promise I ever will be) to particiate in a relationship with her. Tiffany. Sure, it might be well-intentioned, but it can feel empty. Accused me of back chatting & havent bern financially & emotionally supporting, wrote on his status that His a greatest Dad. It is so unspeakably insensitive to tell people that the pain and grief they are dealing with could be worse. Also if his new girlfriend is a true freind she would understand also. Some of you are just beginning the grieving process with very painful sentiments of loss and you need time to heal. It absolutely makes me feel like Im not wanted. She was not ill. My father was already searching for a new companion at the wake and as soon as the funeral was over was on the prowl. If he wants these things packed up, family should do it, not girlfriends. However dont be mad at him for having a friend. So she is moving in here where i live, into my mothers space. We were horrified, but decided to think of our children instead of ourselves, and we allowed it. Perhaps the longer the marriage, the greater their need to have another companion someone to soothe their hurt. Thank you. Then he moved a hour away with Marsha for the summer where it is cooler and and they were living in an RV, but them she bought a cabin. No one could fail to see the pain and suffering Todd has endured.My husbands Dad shot himself when my husband was 14 so I know the huge impact this would have on the children and those left behind. P.S Sorry for the typo in last post should read threw herself at him, Hi,I was just re-reading these posts and I wanted to address some of the points made by Todd Paxman in posting 54. I feel that he is not in the right frame of mind right now to even be thinking about a relationship. My Mom died December 5th, 2012. Its April now and my dad has a new girlfriend he wants me to meetwow. What am I to do? My mom died Nov. 22, 2008 and one of her friends that gave remarks at the funeral is now pursuing my Dad. Alex Murdaugh, who took the stand last week my mom joined a support group of women going through the same thing. I actually think I will call her today and see if she wants to see a movie. I kept asking Dad to find someone that liked his family..he chooses not to be alone. She formed a social bubble with my sister and her daughters, so they enjoyed Sunday dinners together. WHAT?? I dont really want a relationship with her. I am in the same ship as most of you. She is very social and loved the friendships accepted her just so long as we acted as if we did. Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. You are behaving with more emotional maturity than he is showing. Ministers and priests are great resources for the bereaved. I am sure you mamas and daddies loved each other VERY much and perhaps to you it was too soon. I dont know if my Mom would have approved of Ellen or not, but I do feel that she would not have approved of some of Ellens behavior towards me or my family. My sister & I cry many times throughout the day. I still live in my fathers home with my husband and fur babies. During this period I recommend that the complete family join a grieving group. So many of you have stories that resound with what is going on in my life right now. He was told that she was and remarked that her husband object to her visiting another man-hes almost 88! I have a huge problem with this. I never heard my Dad talk about my mother that way not the nasty remarks but simply talk about her beauty. We never built a very close relationship while my mother was alive, but now that she's gone we find ourselves calling each other constantly. Suddenly dad was cramming her down my throat even pawning her off on me when he was tired of listening to her but I could not stand being with her and as time went on it became really obvious that I didnt want anything to do with her. Now he wants one. She just wanted understanding ears to bend for awhile. We have a very civil relationship with his wife. I hope this post doesn't diminish any of your feelings, and I really hope you're taking care of yourself - it sounds like you are - but you asked how to help your mother, so I focused on that. We do all the footwork when it comes to trying to maintain a relationship. I feel so alone and I just miss them both so much and the way that things used to be. I cant help but wonder why, in my case, someone who has known the WBF for many years and I was in a long-term relationship during that time would the AC not want their father to be happy in a relationship. This website is great. My father and I were always close, and now I feel sad, hurt, rejected, angry and guilty. And while I understand my mothers death has taken a toll on us all, I dont feel that my dad gave himself adequate time to grieve and as a result is acting in a very selfish manner. Im glad he let me do this instead of just getting rid of it all himself. It was exactly how I feel and sadly where I am at. I cant lie to my dad about my feelings so I just tell him how it is. I dont know what to do. That's what people do when they start their own families. Grief is confusing and is not the same for everybody, and it is often very hard to talk it through just with your family members. WebWhen my Father died, I used to go to my mom's for dinner every week, she would always say she could eat when someone was there. When driving back from hospital the other week he asked who would be taking him back the following day. I was emotionally exhausted. My mom and I were very close before she got sick and got even closer during her illness, so this feels like a violation to me in so many ways. I felt this when I was on top of the world on the ledge of a boulder in the middle of Lake Cumberland, KY, the summer I decided to get 14 people together and rent a houseboat for a week. 2. Your story could be my life story. My mom is having a really hard time. Give me a break. Your children are there but they are not there. I stumbled on this website in hopes of finding someone going through a similar situation. He knows that I do not approve, but he has told me on more than one occassion that he doesnt care what I think. The trip was uncomfortable. Can you find a friend who will just listen and not judge? We dont have a problem with him dating , its just who he is dating. His wife passed away after a 3 4 year battle with Leukemia. There was a lot more than that. Apparently my feelings and emotions didnt matter as I was read off an ultimatum. How bazaar! Weve included her in our daughters wedding, birth of our 1st granddaughter (his great granddaughter), graduations, family gatherings, birthdays Ive even had holidays before the holiday to include her. But anyway, I felt like this neighbor more or less pushed Ellen onto my Dad. Things we liked, or maybe even didn't like about her, moments we had, things we'll miss. The picture he showed me showed a beautiful girl that looks about 19. Basically help her keep it together. Any thoughts as to if there is a better way to assist my WBF with/in this situation. He said it wasnt his fault that theyve grown apart and theres nothing he can do about it. As women, we certainly know that men and women think & act totally different from one another. I was extremely happy, but the same probably couldnt be said for him. Ironic that what motivated me to try to forgive was the fact I did not want him to be alone. Her daughter came to stay when she was in hospital and then had a falling out with her mother over something. I will leave you with a beautiful bible passage She has never reached out to me or tried to get to know medad justs sayd she is different and not used to a close nit family. Update: Im here spending the week with my dad. He does not listen. I felt willing it to her was a stupid decision on his part but there is nothing I can do about it. I was polite to her and to my dad. We are a tiny island and so property prices will always be high even now when property and land has dropped substantially. My dad does not listen to my feelings and simply does not seem to care. In your case the perpetrator was your wife so perhaps with work you would learn to trust another again. After A Parent's Death | Psychology Today So I am basically stuck in this seething state of anger and resentment while also trying to deal with the grief of losing my mother. Wake up! 2 nights later, dad wasnt home and I asked my uncle where he was and I was told that (girlfriend) hit some poor 18-year-old on his bike and killed him and dad was going to be the go between with the police-to save her ass basically. It's a standalone mini song. They were married 34 years good relationship. Our widow and her melatonin at times both my heart issues. I will never be the mother of my future step-daughters nor I want to be. Im sad that my Mom worked so hard all her life and many times was forced to be frugal and now woman will be reapiing the rewards of Moms hard work. Im even more upset about that than I am about my Dad trying to hide what has been going on with this woman. Your mom is in a beautiful, peaceful place and exists in pure love. My dad said he could come because he would have to bring his girlfriend. I wish there was a Facebook group like this page, as much as I would love to talk to my friends about such a situation like the one I am in, I feel like none of them can relate. I know my mom would want me to be a part of my dads life but its so hard for me to accept it. Until I realized that I still had my dad and I dont want to lose my dad if I still have a chance to have my father in my life. She also tried to tell me that her and my mom were friends yet I know my mom did not care for her, and if thats a friend who needs enemies. My dad passed in 2004 and my stepmother inherited nearly all of my mothers nestegg intended for her children. I cant just tell him about it because he hasnt told me anything about this. I hope that all of you struggling just as I was come to that realization too. so far from my realm of understanding or reference. I cant remember what happened between my entering the room and the paramedics arrival. Im not frail, fragile nor naive. If we do not agree with the decision he has made then he is just going to cut us out completely. You cannot imagine how your prescence equates to having your nose rubbed in something unpleasant. Now, almost 2 years later he has begun dating a woman fairly seriously. Anyway, I tried really hard, invited him, of course. Ive watched Ive watched several of your videos tonight.

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